That the math between us was presenting problems
What crap! And you have the nerve to point it out!??
What difference does it make? I bet whatever I have is more real than what you think you do.
Why not let me fall, and regret my own mistakes?
Why not let him leave when he tires of fixing my self-esteem and failing at it?
Why not let me call it quits when I spend hours on end checking his nonexistent replies to my short texts?
Why not let us know each other’s depths like none ever has?
Why not let us kill each other when we start cheating and lying?
Why not let us bicker and argue till we wake up the neighbors?
Why not let me break glasses and walk away only to come back after my wrath subsides? Like a normal girl.
Why let it end before it begins?
Why not let us delve in the magical world of being in love?
Why not let us experiment? For we found that which was so out of reach
Why curtail our open mindedness?
Why not let us lose all our photos only to overcompensate by making even better memories?
Why not let us stand in the rain dancing and professing love? Because the least you could do is hold an umbrella over our heads.
Let us live. Let us break our legs skating and almost drown in the pool.
Let us stay broke for a month because we went to the coast over the holidays.
Let us live like there is no tomorrow.
Let us come out at night like a normal couple.
Let us be.
Normal, boring, and cliché
Let us play normal
And act like our opinions matter to each other.
Let us be a normal couple who decided not to hide their feelings behind phrases like ‘We are not the relationship type’.
Let us have one of those awkward moments at three am. Those that we sit on the bed in our ‘studio apartment’ staring at shadows or that dim light emanating from the radio at the corner, the silence between us almost tangible
Let me lean on his shoulder as we do that.
Let him walk away for genuine reasons. Why the double standards?
Let me walk away when he tires of the kisses on my forehead that he so generously gives.
Let him leave because I no longer turn him on. No longer inspire and ignite his spark.
Let us binge on pizza and wine and spend the next morning jogging for an hour from five am; trying to undo the damage. Let me drag him behind on those runs.
Let us strike a compromise that he gives me a twenty minutes head start. Or better still, let’s decide that I stick to skipping rope.
Let us feed on lettuce, tomatoes and spinach tomorrow, so we don’t feel guilty when reach for that tub of ice cream later.
Let me drown in my grief when he leaves.
Let me nurse my bleeding heart for the right reasons. And grief in peace
Let the love we have for each other be so strong it tears apart when it’s over.
Let him leave me wishing I would find one who so confidently says ‘no, don’t give her this. She prefers that’ for he has known things about me that I don’t.
Let me be comfortable asking for his help on things I could never ask you.
Let me smile when you mention his name.
Let me be vain, and petty.
Let me be a volcano; like every woman in love is.
Let me forgive him when he goes astray, as you would the one you love.
So, if my knight in shining armor gets here, and I happen to have been around a little longer than he will be, I will smile, and go ahead be the princess he saves on that midsummer night.
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part two: (cry of the oppressed )
BEYOND THE TUNNEL VISION
I can see the light beyond,
Light beyond the tunnel vision,
It dims and glows,
I perceive the happiness in the coming days,
Maybe it is not my happiness,
But destined for the sons and daughters of my grandchildren.
THE RELAPSE: RICH & NAFULA
They had been friends for some time now. They had not got that intimate yet. The feelings they had for each other however were strong and alive. It was real. Her emotional-life changed since she met this foreign man at a showroom where she was purchasing a new Jaguar XF. She had just completed her Master’s Degree in Oncology . Stacy Nafula was her name. She was a studious, intelligent and vivacious lady to complement her outgoing super-personality.
Rich Skrtel was the managing director of the car company that owned the showroom where she bought the car. The impressing, sparkling and striking looks started expressing themselves since the time she met Rich. He was an expensively dressed white looking man with those eyes that would make most ladies weak in the knees. He gazed at her and she plastered that smile that expressed something interesting about Rich. She had not dated before but she knew the feeling that comes when you feel attracted to somebody. She negotiated the price in his office and after the deal was struck, she left the showroom inside her newly purchased car. Since then, they had been speaking through calls and emails but had not met in person.