Category Archives: LIFESTYLE
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PART ONE : BRUNT :THE PIMPIN VOYAGE 1
PART TWO: BRUNT: THE PIMPIN VOYAGE 2
[2300hrs – VOI TOWN]
At exactly 11pm, there was a knock at the lorry’s driver door. It was not a single knock but a persistent knock. Issa slowly got up from his limbo. He was a bit conscious. He unnoticeably unlocked the door and opened it. Alas! Before him was a young lady, maybe 18 who was dressed in a brown pullover and black lingerie. She had donned white sport shoes and black stockings. Her left hand was holding the door open while her right hand was already exploring the truck’s seats. She twitched and writhed on her standing position as she lifted her left leg onto the truck’s entrance.
She gazed at Issa and softly asked him, ‘May I Get in?’
She maintained that eye contact that suggested something. She continued writhing her back as she massaged the front seat of the truck. Her long black hair was covering her right eye such that she kept swinging her head back and forth to get a closer look at Issa.
Issa was at first flabbergasted by the enticing ‘au natural’ curvy sight in front of him. He rubbed his sleepy eyes and sat on his driver’s seat. This time round, he glared at her visibly. He murmured some words that weren’t audible then extended his right arm to her.
‘I don’t mind. Get in.’ he said as he flapped his maxilla and mandibles in joy as he held her hand and helped her get inside by lifting her. She sat on the seat next to the driver’s.
The luxury apartment stood great on the four storey residential house. Carl’s house was the third one from the left. He lived with his wife Liz and their two sons, Greg and Colly. The house was surrounded by brightly colored new tips of trees, the pots of purple and pink geraniums with cellophane drops glistening on the leaves, the clusters of basil and oregano sprouting near the lemon tree.
‘Hurry up guys’ Liz said loudly as she pointed at Colly and Greg.
‘We ready mum’ her first born Colly responded.
‘Where is dad?’
‘Carl outside packing the luggage’
Colly and Greg rushed outside to assist their dad carry the bags. They were all clad in luxury garments. Liz was clad on a red sari compliment with an auburn curl and her glistening chocolate eyes made her look beautiful and ready for a show. Her husband Carl was a young, pony-tailed guy who had adorned a black executive suit.
Liz met Carl in their bedroom.
‘Do I look sexy?’ Liz asked
‘Of course you look young and sexy to me only’
‘Mmm’ she smiled. ‘You only?’ she asked.
‘Yes darling, before my eyes’ he responded.
After they had masticated to their fullest, Colly dug in his pocket a Samsung Galaxy S2 and made a phone call to his uncle in South Africa.
‘Hello uncle Sam? We are flying to Durban today.
If you didn’t read part one, click here
He looked at me. I was scared to bits. On his face, he had multiple scars; an evidence of engaging in multiple gang fights. He lifted his left hand while gazing at me and formed a tight fist. By the look of it, I had underestimated his age. He was huge despite his young looking body. He gazed at me as if knowing am already scared and brought his formed-fist closer to my arm. I realized he was telling me to punch back as a form of greeting. The ‘gotta’ thing we usually did at campus. I formed a fist too and returned the favor by making our fists meet. However, even after I did that, Kevin did not smile a single bit. He waved at me, pushed open the door, and walked away in front of my car. I watched him in shock as he walked with quick short steps towards the corners of the buildings and disappeared along the Aga Khan Walk path just at KenCom Building.
I breathed out the air I had saved before he lifted his arm. My left hand was already on my chest as I sat in awe and wonder. I told myself I had to be extremely careful the next time such stuff happens. However, I was glad because I did something positive. Nevertheless, I felt bad because of the kind of work this young man who got full of life engaged in. I started wishing I had educated him or else assisted him get other ways to earn clean cash. I held my heart again. It had stopped beating as it previously was. I started imagining that I had sat inside the same car with a murderer and I could not believe it myself.
It was on a Saturday morning. It was one of my unusual days in town since I didn’t have an aim visiting the place. I just wanted to rotate around the place, get to know the city and manoeuvre through the city tunnels, lifts, etc to see new places and to meet new individuals maybe to lit up my world. Not that I was a desperate woman but I hadn’t found my solace yet.I believed that some day, I would bump into someone great. It was such a strong belief such that I got at loggerheads with my friends because of it. I just needed positive thoughts about it especially at the age I was at.
Kelly Wambui Is my name. My few friends call me Kelly. I completed my undergraduate at 24 with a Bachelor Of Medicine N Surgery at Moi University and went ahead and mastered in Pediatrics. I haven’t done my PhD but am still planning to venture into it soon. My current age is 35. I am a doctor during the day at some hospital in Thika. During the night, I am a single woman who does her stuff inside my rented compound at Nairobi’s South B Estate.
This specific Saturday, I wanted to manoeuvre through town maybe I could get a new opportunity. I mean, I needed a man. Back in campus, I was the reserved type. I was an introvert. I didn’t want anything to do with “boys”. I called them. I just knew them to be fuck boys or hit and runs. That’s why I remained chaste for my 6 years at Campus. However, I still regret why I didn’t get someone there. When I came to do my masters, almost all the women we studied with were married and the men too. They all had families. I was the only single humanbeing there. I still didn’t feel complete. What I craved at the moment, was a family. People I would get back to at home and spend the night with; Buy shopping for my family and have a sense of belonging. That’s what I longed for.
HIGHRISE, KIBERA ROAD.
This happened last week on Friday Night. It was a long night as I can remember. As usual, people who have just come to college must enjoy as they say. Yeah, we must enjoy. I was in that category of people. I really enjoyed night raves and booze. A little bhang (ndom) too and not forgetting ‘muguka’ (jaba) complemented with ‘njugu – karanga’. The last stimulant was my appetizer before now the actual drinks. This was my schedule during the weekends. My after-Friday schedule was very tight due to the hunger I had to at-least taste these things. “tulikuwa tunachana hadi zinashika. Najifeel niko hukoooooo” cloud 9. I knew it’s gonna lit up every Friday evening.
Let me tell you a brief history about me. I am a tall dark student. My name is Ojaamong. I live in Caanan Estate – A newly established gated estate along the Highrise – Kibera route. My friends normally call me “The Bull”. The bull because I am the know-everything type of person. I guide them home too when we are all drunk and also protect them from bandits. Nobody would like to go to the club without consulting Bull. Sometimes, I get free drinks just to take the other students out so they can feel safe under my cover. To touch a little bit of my education level, I am a 2nd Year Business Administration student at a university Around the place I live. I am a sharp Student though this drugs are kinda taking me to a cloud that makes me deviate from my normal reasoning. At the moment, I feel they are taking away my intelligence gradually.
Let’s keep off the block stories. The story today was about that Friday. Last week’s pre-weekend partying. It happened in a way that wasn’t expected. Friday 19th was the date. In my business class, normally on Friday’s, the turn up is low for Students. They take it as a holiday. But the few present, dress like they have come to stay for a few moments and later walk out to the clubs. Men have their clad well put while the women are dressed to impress and arouse the “creativity” of a “holy man”. Let’s not get into the details. Since it’s Friday, new partnerships are usually formed. If last week you had some lady, you get to choose another. It’s a day where men get ditched for other men and ladies get Dumped for some better curves, looks and tastes.
Yeah, that was a Friday. You get to feel good when you bumped on a good partner. Are these the so called “prayer partners”? I don’t know.
So this Friday. We ganged up. This time round, we didn’t want to include the ladies. It was to happen in my newly acquired Bedsitter at Caanan Estate. The house was big to accommodate like a dozen booze gamblers. I got my two friends Kamau and Kipyegon. When it came to “kuchana” and booze, there was no crossing on tribal lines. It was something that was soo cordial. We were brothers in this thing. Since class was over, we hurriedly rushed through past the gates and got on the Highrise – kibera route. We actually didn’t want the ladies to start booking us for the weekend. We walked for the short distance. We arrived at Caanan Estate in about some minutes. I hurriedly walked ahead of my two ninjas as I directed them to my room. It was in the 1st floor of the 5-storey rentals. I opened the door and allowed them to get inside. I locked the door with my keys and left the key inside the lock. I had two sofa sets on which they plastered themselves knowing Bull had something great to offer.
The room was dark with red lighting. I didn’t want to open the windows. I opened my bag and placed it on the small glass table at the centre of the two guys. I took a blue plastic chair and sat as a third party. My bag was at the centre. I removed the countable rolls of bhang, three “mzingas” and a lot of “muguka” which was covered in seven khaki bags. Today was our day. My friends shouted in overwhelmed joy as we debated on what to start with.
“This is more sweeter than Joyline ” Kipyegon said as he referred to a certain classmate whilst channeling the muguka deep inside his jaws.
We all bursts into laughter as we joined in the picking of the preferred fun.
“Bull, kwani wapi Glasses?”
“Pia. Weka ngoma msee…”
I slowly got up and removed three wine glasses and placed them On the glass table. I crawled on my knees towards the sound system and plugged it on. I put my favorite Genre of music which was reggae and roots mixes. As the first song hit the air, I could feel the cold drink going through my warm intestines. I slowly increased the bass +3 and reduced the treble – 3. I gradually put on the volume to a staggering VOL 19. Only our heads could move as we sat on the chairs grounded as if our butts had being super-glued to our seats.
Kamau would take some bit of the dried leaves and use a paper from his accounts book to make a cigarette-like bar of which he would smoke in real gusto. The spacious Bedsitter was now a smoking zone. The air around was reeking of freshly smoked “ndom”. This is what we enjoyed most. The feeling of being “high” had already taken over in 45 minutes. I could feel myself as if I was floating in the air. The feeling of greatness and grandiosity had started to express itself. I began shouting at the top of my voice as I jumped holding the full length bottle of “mzinga”. The beat was soo strong and the type of music that I loved was full in my ears. I could feel it in my nerves as it made me breakdance better than my fellow classmates. Kipyegon knew the best dances of their tribe. The dances in which you kinda dance with one leg as you rotate the other. It was crazy. “Muratina” dance by Kamau was the most astonishing type of dance. It lacks a description in the English Oxford dictionary.
new highrise estate [CAANAN ESTATE]
The time was rushing. It was now 9pm at night. Kipyegon and Kamau were “stoned” to the occiput by the “makali” substances. They just lay there as I continued chewing the muguka nonstop. I mean, it had become a hobby. My teeth were all green. Kipyegon’s too. I could feel bits of leaves stuck in my teeth and using my rough tongue, I would remove and swallow them with some “mzinga”
After about an hour. We decided to get out and take a stroll in the noisy KIBERA area. It was just a day to the party nomination exercise. So the campaigns were still ongoing. We walked out of the house and I locked the door from the outside. We wanted to visit the club and at least fish some stray ladies as we walked. We slowly got out of the gate as we walked in high spirits. By any chance that one would come across our way, we would beat them Up mercilessly. That’s the extent to which we had been stoned at the moment. We walked as we scared away pedestrians who walked home at that time. I was the one leading the way as they followed me in unison. Kamau was still holding a cigarette in his fingers. We arrived at a certain club inside the slum. It wasn’t that well up like normal pubs. In this place, we were assured of getting cheap drinks and some club women. We sat at a certain round table Together as we ordered extra drinks on our table. We hadn’t got enough of what we had at my room. The beat inside the house was rhyming well with the dances inside the club. To people who used bhang like me, such music was my kind of thing. We all got up and started taking it to the floor as we danced ourselves to the beat.
Just then, there was a loud bang. Due to the effect, Of the sound, I was a bit “unstonned” . I shook. People inside the club had started running away from the club. It was something to do with the party nominations. I could hear the names of some aspirants. Kipyegon stepped on top of the tables and jumped outside. I couldn’t wait too. I followed suit. Kamau followed me as we traced Kipyegon. I guess due to his tribal background, we couldn’t even see his feet, he had already disappeared in the dark. Kamau was soo drunk to the occiput such that he couldn’t even be able to run. He fell and landed inside a ditch. I stopped back and tried to pull him out but couldn’t. He was too heavy. I left him and ran for safety. The police were on my back. They had visualized me. I guess they had confused me with the guy who was causing the chaos in the area. They planned their game and soon caught up with me. I was beaten and several injured by their clubs. Within minutes, I was mauled inside their trucks. Surprisingly, we were many inside the carriage. Some of the people Inside were fellow classmates while others were residents of Highrise area. However, there was no sight of Kipyegon nor Kamau. I was the only one who had been tracked.
In no time, we landed inside a police station. We were ejected roughly under strict supervision towards the inner cells inside the police station. I specifically was locked up inside a cell with older men. My clothes attracted their nostrils as they asked me where I have been getting bhang. They had already recognized it in my clothes. I couldn’t answer any of them. I couldn’t even sit on the floor, the place was dirty and watery. At the corner was a bucket. It was full of urine and definitely faeces at the bottom. Suddenly, one of the quiet guys in the corner called the cell officer and informed them that the bucket to urinate was full. In a rude shock, he was told to defecate on the bucket or on the floor. Since he was pressed, he urinated on the full bucket as urine flooded inside the cell. Some bits of faeces too (coats of beans and maize) were being carried away by the moving urine towards the entire corners of the cell. I stood on one shoe since one of my shoes had got lost during the chase.
I was confused. The alcohol level had subsidized in my occiput. I was reasoning again. Why was I caught?
I didn’t understand why I was inside a police cell. I realized it was on Saturday already because the 5am birds had already started humming. The alcohol had already been metabolized and I was standing on a full bladder. I too had to urinate on the walls of the cell. I couldn’t hesitate. I turned to my side of the wall and opened my urethral sphincters. We were about 15 people in a 2 by 2 cell. You can imagine the stench.
The sun was already stretching out its rays. Around 7.30am, a certain soldier came to the cell I was in and opened the door. He removed me forcefully and told me to get to the desk. There, I found my friends Kipyegon and Kamau, they had come to bail me out.
Truly, I had met a new home. That was the government cell. I promised myself to behave again and be a better person. I knew that I was deteriorating in memory slowly. I knew this drugs weren’t good but I kept taking them. I vowed to stop drugs and to move forward. I also want to make new friends and open a new chapter of Life.
By: Melting Ice Towers | Sunday 22nd January |8:56pm |
[The ‘Shamba’ Boy Chronicles Episode 1]
I gladly alighted from the ‘pimped’ dark blue ‘Nuclear Sacco’ matatu that ferried passengers from a certain interior part of Central Province to the famed Nairobi City. This was my first visit to the city. Before then, I had preconceived notions about the city. It was a place of wonder ranging from:- exquisite fun, tall buildings, underground roads I hear in Thika Road,topless women who walk like they own the city and the most derogatory people of all time, the pickpockets! I wanted to see all the kind of things I have been hearing from my grandma’s torch-radio.
I was a 22-year-old jobless man who did not have a chance to study as my fellow village herdsmen and quarry men since my childhood. Life had hit me so hard in the village until my mum sent me here for a survival mission. I will tell you more about the mission later. My mum advised me just before I left home to at least present myself as familiar to the city lets people would take advantage of me. I was 23 but I was a mama’s boy. Am proud of that. She had been my only parent for 23 good years.
As I was busy staring at the ‘Maathai’ Supermarket Banner on the retail business building, I remembered I had some luggage inside the ‘matatu’. It was a sack of potatoes and a 50 kg bag full of dried maize. Ugali was my favorite meal. I would eat it with anything including water or just like that. I hurriedly walked at the back of the matatu and met the matatu ‘boot’ closed. I quickly opened it and checked my luggage. It was notinside.